Talking to the Moon…

It’s funny how my phone could be instantly filled up with texts and calls and missed calls during day time and almost always in an absolutely silent mode at night. It actually makes sense because I set my phone on ‘airplane’ mode every single night… So that I won’t get disturbed while sleeping because of unnecessary notifications/the light and everything. And so that I wouldn’t have to wait for someone to text me or call…

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I’ve got in to an extreme case I guess. That guy who has plenty of problems but why can’t I just forget… It’s been to the third year already and I don’t think I can forget that person. I don’t know why it’s come to this. I should have forgotten him just like anybody else. I know I will but when?

Not that I keep holding on to him. I have let him go and completely let go of him too. If this is not love then I don’t know what it is… Addiction perhaps?

Who said we would never get the best out of everything? I am sure I did. And I think I am right. No matter what it is and how life turns out to be… I think I will just be fine. Isn’t that always true? Then I can say… Yes it is okay not to go back in time and make a wish that we could be together. I cannot hate you and I won’t. I think loved you (but not to dead) and it was just enough that I wish you all the best in life, even if it means we’re never getting back together. I want you to be happy – And as much as I would like to have my own freedom, I want to set you free to go after what you want in life.

Thank you for being a great part of my youth. And thank you for all what you’ve done, because I know, if this wasn’t because of you, because of me and because of us, I wouldn’t have become who I am today.

Goodbye!

Saying everyone can be replaced is a lie.

I think when I said everything will be okay and everyone can be replaced. I actually lied.

There are certain things in life which cannot be replaced. Like the Earth, the Sun or the Moon, like your family, your mother, your father, your brothers, sisters, yourself and…myself.

Hmmm, for a moment I was thinking of that special someone, but he can also be replaced since you can still make choices.

The reason I said “everyone can be replaced” was to reassure my team when the two key persons decided to walk away. And I made everyone believed that it was right, because those two people were immediately replaced by other people and other people and other people.

In the meantime, I had been playing multiple roles: A sales person; a marketing & PR person for which I had been given a fancy name as a Business Development Manager (BDM). I did not know how good I was. The only thing that I know and remember was that I really was part of the company, a major part. It was just enough to make me feel like I had a major heart attack on the day I decided to walk away.

I am all happy now with the new job and what I’m doing, because I learn new things and I meet new people on a surprisingly  regular basis. This is necessarily always a good thing but for sure it’s not easy to get bored at work.

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And I am still who I am and I still do what I do.

Last Saturday I went to the Hanoi’s Annual Charity Bazaar hosted by the HIWC (Hanoi International Women Club). I had always been there over the past 02 years, but this year I was with a different company. This is a strange feeling when I am not with my Italian team anymore and did not get to wear an Italian themed costume this year. What even more awkward   was the moment that I intended to come and say hello to the old team, but nobody was there. Absolutely nobody! My boss was (almost) never there (and because he wouldn’t need to when I was in my position) but what I meant was… nobody. I know none of them, after 8 months since I’ve gone…

I am not going to judge anybody over this matter. But I was not happy to see all this. And it was not I was not because I was so full of myself but I know that I am totally not that someone who can be easily replaced…

Dimples

There are certain things in life that you think you can not explain… Perhaps you will know it later but maybe you don’t want to know. Sometimes you simply don’t want to get to know too deep or too much of anything in order to keep its beauty…

I’ve got to know a lady for, let’s say… 12 days and I can’t help thinking of her with lots of admiration and curiosity at the same time…

I’m trying to picture a 33 years old woman, who is the single mother of 2 kids… But that’s not what I’m talking about… She had got married when she was 20 and divorced 5 years later…

She had lived 3 years in Singapore where she worked for the world’s largest networking and marketing organization but doesn’t speak a fluent sentence of English… And as a Vietnamese to Vietnamese I could easily pin point some of her pronunciation mistakes that she often makes…

Then I wonder how could she become who she is today? She has her own business, her own house, her own car with her own driver… She does seem to own a lot of things and I have no doubt that she knows a lot of people too…

But and can’t seem to connect these dots no matter how hard I am trying to connect them. Perhaps, as we get closer, I will understand about her little more about this woman but for now, it’s all good things…

When I can’t think of a good reason to explain her success in life, I am thinking of the sparkles in her eyes while talking to her about anything in life – work or random things. Just be very careful because even though I know I am a 100% straight woman, it is still easy to get lost, either in her pretty eyes or her adoring smile with charming dimples on her cheeks, which I must say, one of the sweetest smile that I have ever seen in my life…

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Shoe-pidity

If I had to say sorry to any part of my body, I would need to say it first to my feet.

I’ve been traveling and running here and there on heels and I’ve hurt my feet… In order to walk and even run confidently on your heels, you know you’ve practiced hard, your skin’s got thicker and you no longer feel the pain regardless of how long you spend your time on those so-called: “shoe-pidity”. Having said that, at least I do not wear those “ridiculously” uncomfortable stilettos because I know I would not look incredible on them, and I do not think I am capable of wearing them either 🙂

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I personally consider walking as a form of mediation. It would be nice if there’s a warm hand for you to hold but I still enjoy very much those winter days that I put on my jacket/ coat and my hands are in the pockets.

The other day I went for dinner with a “so-called” ex-boyfriend. I asked if he wanted to walk from where we met to the restaurant which would take us about 10 minute-walk…  He said yes and followed me but couldn’t stop complaining that he did not enjoy walking at all. I looked at him, smiled and told him in a polite manner: “I know why we could not be together. We were definitely not on the same road…”

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Busy-ness!

I never truly believed when someone said he or she was too busy until I have become addicted to being busy. This is when I’ve realized that it can easily take me 20 hours to reply not-so-urgent texts; it takes days to reply my not too-urgent-emails-because they-can-wait and my Facebook inboxes are full of unread messages…

This is when I’ve also realized that, love/relationship is almost an impossible thing in this modern era. Perhaps the love is still there but we cannot see and hardly ever feel it because everyone of us is so full of our own Busyness. Some told me that he was so busy – I believed him but never truly believed. And then I’ve been becoming more like him. Except for the fact that I don’t live in hotel rooms and I do not hold a platinum membership from any Airline company. Working in the hospitality is tough. Even if I am entitled to work within office hours and only on weekdays, this job is as demanding as a super time stealer and already feel that I am over-loaded. What about you who has such an important job? What if I had to fly 12 times out of 7 days per week? Have I ever wished if I  could travel back in time? I guess not, I am so busy with my own Busyness and the good news is I seem to enjoy it very much. This Busyness has taken all our memories away. I have started to forget things and people and I’ve started to forget you… And I am sorry…

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Life is Magnifique in Hanoi

life isNot too long ago I was in my 20-something crisis. I knew I was. I saw negative sides of things that I encountered on a daily basis with the highest level of disappointment I can get… I found nothing interesting in anything or anybody. That sounded so bad wasn’t that?

I walked along the rainy streets and I knew I had to make a phone call to a friend. 15 minutes later we got settled in one of the coffee shops near by. I asked if he could tell me the truth of how miserable I looked at that time… He was like ‘yeah yeah’ like it doesn’t even matter…and of course the fact that he did not show any sympathies to me at all made me a little angry… Then I decided to stop talking about myself. I saw the sparkles in his eyes and could not help wonder how he had been. I asked why he could be so happy. The answer was quite simple. He said he was happy because he loved all the things that he had been doing… Wasn’t that good?

But still, facing the fact that only him feeling good so it did not make me feel any better. I looked out the window and sighed: “Can you please tell me when this rain’s going to stop? I am so sick of this weather…” I said, with knowing that my friend might have been fed up with me already for ‘un-intentionally’ trying to turning him down… “I am so tired of this city. It’s always either too hot or too cold. And did you notice? The foggy and rainy weather has been like this for 1/4 of the year…” I continued.

Then he began – I think I only waited for this moment to hear his feedback. Because I know this guy will he super direct and straight to my problems.

“What’s happening with you?” He asked. “Are you trying to tell me that I am not acting like who I am? Like a normal me right?” I answered.

“Can’t be truer than that”. He laughed sneakily. I questioned him back: “Hey, I knew you also have a hundred things going on at the same time and you also changed your job last year… Don’t tell me it’s been a smooth process….!?”.

“Of course not… You had no idea how bored and disappointed I was when I had to quit the job. During my last few days at the office, apart from the day-to-day activities that we all have to accomplish, I had done something that I thought it was abnormal. I read through a 500 pages long book about Vietnamese history and now I feel like I have a new profession…”.

We laughed until his face looked a bit more serious again… “I think you should stop looking at the dark sides of everything. Of course you can leave if you don’t like this city anymore but you know more than anyone that there are goods and bads everywhere. Why don’t you look at this city to see our advantage of having seasonality? Other cities in Southeast Asia do not have that and they missed the opportunities to sell seasonal products and services…”.

“Okay!” I smiled and that’s when he knew that he made a clear point to me…

We kept the talking for another 15 minutes later before we greeted goodbye. 3 months later, I called him back and asked how he was doing… I know this is the man that I should be thankful for having him as a friend. And now, talking about seasonality, if you think Hanoi is the only capital city in Southeast Asia that has 4 seasons then it’s time to think again. We don’t just have 4 seasons, we have 12 flower seasons. I brought this idea for an internal presentation at work and received a number of good feedback… Let’s just forget about brand standards for now… I am just in love with the thought of me re-starting to have more of original ideas and finally get back to be my-authentic-self…

Living the island

Picture me..

An 18 years old girl who recorded herself as the youngest and the only Vietnamese G.O at Club Med Lindeman Island. 48++ hours of work per day and 6 work days per week and only once per every 2 weeks I took a ferry to go back to the ‘main land’, work was hard but almost a worry-free zone just because there were no targets, no numbers nor any ‘mission impossible’ that was assigned to me at that time. Well, let’s be fair, neither me nor any employers should expect too much from a just turned 18 years old employee but I gotta admit that I had learned so so much from there… Sadly Club Med Lindeman Island was closed down in late 2011 and the property was sold to some Chinese billionaire… Anyway I hope they will turn the island into a new paradise with a generation view point…

Although it only lasted for 6 months on the tropical island but I am so glad that I made it there – it was definitely one of the best 6-months of my entire life to be able to live in one of the greatest places on Earth and meeting some of the most amazing people in the world. My island’s friends are the one-of-a-kind friend in the world: my bestie Phillipa, my Aussie dad Graeme and my favourite handsome English Joe who are always on my side no matter what happens…

GO

Me, 18 years old at Club Med

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The 8th hole

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With my favourite GMs and GOs

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The heart shaped island from the WhitSundays, Australia

After All

after allIt’s 11:38 PM now I know I have to go to bed. But it doesn’t stop me anyway from typing a quick post since I have not posted anything on my blog for ages. It’s really been a roller coaster which doesn’t always go up. But I am feeling good right now and I don’t think I should expect for more. I think I’ve done a great job so far. No matter it was a great act or it simply because of who I really was. More than several times I confessed some of my weak moments to some friends of mine. Whenever I say I feel lack of confidence, and I always get the same answer: “If you are not confident of yourself then I don’t think I can find anybody who is”. Well I guess this is a compliment or whatever it is – it’s lifted me up a little bit.

So I’ve been at my third job now after 3 years almost. It’s kind of hard to believe but there’s a tendency that people actually hire me for my personality. Well I don’t know yet how great I am – I am new to many new things – but I guess I will be fine. This is not the first time I have heard of this: All I need to do is to be confident. Sometimes I tend to forget the fact that I am still very young and I will have a lot to to learn and experience… Fingers crossed! Tomorrow’s a brand new Monday! 11:53 PM

Stronger

They say I’m a strong girl. I think I am.

Just thinking – If I can go through 2015 successfully, how much stronger I’m gonna get?

This is the promise not to get flustered with such small things around me and not to participate in the ‘blame’ game of any kind.

 I promise I will not to speak any unkind words.

But what am I supposed to do when I need a place to cry? Like now?

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